[Deep, movie-announcer dude voice]
In a world where Will Power is unstoppable… where the mere sight of the IZOD Trophy Girl makes men inexplicably retarded… where KV Technology can rebuild a car faster than you can say, “Brian Barnhart must be sleeping with someone at Dallara”… where you could bet your kids’ college tuition that Milka would finish last…
Just when you thought nothing could possibly be slower than the 18, along came…
Frankenstein Dracula. Frangelico Dramamine. What the hell is that guys name? Ahem. Francisco Dracone. HOLY BALLS.
Now I’m all for trying new things. Hell, Wheldon decided he might try a new, inverted maneuver to shake things up a bit in Sonoma. But Dracone brought a whole new meaning to the words “shit show.” At which point, Conquest did the right thing and brought in a new driver. This is the point in the show when I would normally draw an obvious comparison between Dracone’s fate and Milka’s, but you’re a big kid. You can do it. I saw a tweet this week saying that making fun of Milka is no longer funny. To which I say… FALSE.
And so we welcome Scheckter back to the festivities. T-Scheck, orange is not your color, but I’ll take it. Honestly can’t say I saw that coming, but it can only mean one thing – silly season is right around the corner. Insert weird clown-car horn.
It took all of one lap here at Chicagoland for me to remember why I’m an oval girl. Crank up the hurdy gurdy cuz we got four ovals to end the season – two under the lights, no less. Christmas has come early, kiddies.
For my first pick, I’ll take Ryan Briscoe. The defending champ was fastest in the first practice and he’s got a pretty stellar track record on the ovals.
And now for a little déjà vu. I’m feeling strongly about the Andretti Autosport squad again this week. The AA cars ran P4 (#26), P5 (#7), P6 (#37) and P7 (#11) in the first practice. I can’t bet against that. However, I have a feeling that Marco is going to get too anxious too soon, so my second pick is Ryan Hunter-Reay.
Finally, my dark horse pick this week is E.J. Viso. I had several in mind but the tiny stallion ran eighth in practice and let’s not forget that he finished third at the last oval (Iowa).
I leave you with a friendly race gIRL public service announcement: Did you know that “epic FAIL” has a sound? It does. It sounds just like the NASCAR Truck Series. My ears are bleeding. Hide your wives and children. You’re welcome.
See you under the lights!