The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

There’s nothing like the Greatest Spectacle in Racing to make someone come out of (nonexistent) writing retirement. And apparently, there’s nothing like the Greatest Spectacle in Racing to make people turn on the sport, bitch up a storm and condemn everything in site.

Welcome to the month of May, race fans.

It’s been almost a year and half since I’ve written a race gIRL blog post. I really thought I was done. For the most part, my posts have been carefree race weekend picks that were tracked by no one and revered by less than tens of people.

This one shall be different. Parental warning: Explicit lyrics. I feel very strongly about this topic and therefore present to you a little post that I like to call…

QUITCHERBITCHIN’

I saw the following question on Curt Cavin’s blog recently:

“When do you think IndyCar packs it in and stops operations? Thirty-two cars? That’s like three horses showing up for the Kentucky Derby.”

I stared at this question for what must have been five minutes. In my head, I went all Roadrunner, pulling out a giant gavel, picturing this Mr. Joe Fan dude as Wyle E. Coyote, and whacking him. HARD. (Note: The old race gIRL would’ve made a “whacking him hard” joke here. Carry on.)

This, boys and girls, is a classic example of what is technically known as “absolute bullshit.” Maybe you know someone who suffers from this travesty. From real life, from a tweetup, or from the comfort of their anonymous profile on twitter, facebook or TrackForum (aka Where Negativity Goes to Fornicate).

I’m sure that YOU are not one of these Negative Nancies, because the race gIRL readers are badass. But if you know someone who matches the description above, I encourage you to ask this “fan” the following three questions:

  1. Are you effing kidding me?! (Okay, maybe skip to #2)
  2. Do you feel that your complaining is helping to solve the problem?
  3. What are YOU doing to be part of the solution?

From the very first time I heard those magical words: “Ladies and gentlemen, start your engines,” this sport has hooked me and I’ll never look back. (I’m quite confident that you can relate because, as I mentioned, you’re badass.) I’ve learned over the years that this sport isn’t perfect, but not once have I ever even considered saying some of the things that these so-called “fans” are putting out there.

Yessir, packing it in IS the answer. Let’s just throw in the towel and go home. 32 cars?! Dear God… this must be the end. There will never be another “glory day.” Every race is boring now. What are the people in charge doing? Let’s never again experience the magic of the Indianapolis 500. We need to stop the balloon launch cuz balloons are for kids. Pork tenderloin is yucky and puppies aren’t cute. Damn kids, get off my lawn.

EPIC. FAIL. Grumpy bastards.

One final question for our friends who love to hate: Do you have all the information? If you do, then please feel free to continue telling the world how things should be done. Let everyone know the secret: who should be doing what, when, where and why. We’re all dying to know because then our beloved sport, which would be doomed without your apparent knowledge, will be able to thrive again… like most of us are excited (and hopeful) to see. But we can’t do it without you, so thanks in advance for your help.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

*slams gavel*


14 responses to “The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

  • Jacques

    Well done! I don’t get how some people don’t understand supply and demand, nor the almighty ‘transition period.’ 2012 has been a ‘walking in a blindfold’ for fans, teams and the series as a whole; and to have 33 chassis manufactured alone is pretty stellar. Now that Nascar thing…that’s another story.

  • Turn13

    [mark boyle mode] Yessss! COUNT IT, and put her on the line to shoot the foul!!! [/mark boyle mode]

  • Bri Kupfer

    YES!!! Now THAT’S the racegIRL we all know and love. Personally, I think this has been one of the most exciting seasons in YEARS, and most of us are pretty sure 3-4 more cars show up and qualify at the last minute…..it just adds to the drama! (and not the “housewives” type drama, the ACTUAL meaning of the word, lol)

  • Its_Meatball

    #NailedIt

  • Nathan Gruenholz (@fleshwound_NPG)

    “For the most part, my posts have been carefree race weekend picks that were tracked by no one and revered by less than tens of people.”

    Excuse me, young lady…THAT’S MY TERRITORY NOW. I have the grand monopoly of (very) obscure IndyCar bloggateering that caters to those tens (now more like…four) of people. NO ONE DENIES THIS.

    Go back to rubbing shoulders with the likes of Bronte and Simona and consuming the finest of wines with Tag and Herta, YA SELLOUT!!!!

    [clicks "Post Comment", inner positive/happy IndyCar fan inside suddenly awakens, realizes mistake, unplugs laptop too late]

  • Jeff

    Maybe the 33rd spot should be reserved for Dan’s memory this year. Armed forces of which have always been a huge part of Indy routinely honor the missing man after a mission in honor of a fallen soldier. This year more then ever we will miss last years winner, driver, friend, and champion.

    Honorary pole position, til the lap before the start.

    Now lets go racing!

  • Brian Cross

    And She’s Onnnnn ittttttttttt (With apologies to the Late Tom Carnegie)

    There will be a transition period, no one likes change, even when change is good, also we must keep in mind, that ummmmmmmm the Economy Sucks, and not every company can afford to put the money into racing this year, it’s unfortunate, but it’s a fact of life

    When I visited Newmann Haas earlier this year, the guy told us, the economy is a fact of life

    Will 32 cars ruin the race, hell no,

    it will have the atmosphere, and hopefully the same great finish as last year, (and hopefully the same decent weather too) :)

  • Oilpressure

    The Legions of the Miserable – you gotta love ‘em (the bastards)!

  • CurlingRacer

    Monica,
    This is something that has infuriated me for years and years. If there is something SO wrong with the sport, or your job, or the Country…LEAVE! Get the Hell Out!

    For those of us who live and breathe this sport, and have the IQ higher than a melting ice cube, we know that nothing is perfect. New cars, engines, teams, tracks, etc. require an adjustment period. In today’s economy, unfortunately, that time period is ridiculously short. Do it now. I want return on my dollar now. And if anything goes wrong then it’s “Oh, no one knows what they are doing”. The vocal minority grouses and screams, but it is still Indy Car Racing.

    I’ve always said if the teams brought out a refrigerator box powered by a Briggs and Stratton lawnmower engine and had 4 shopping cart wheels and said it was an Indy Car, I would STILL be at the Speedway and I would STILL watch. 32 cars, 35 cars, 18 cars, does it matter if you are a fan of the sport? I appreciate the tradition of 33 cars, but I won’t throw my hands up and say that an unfavorable car count is another sign of the apocalypse in December.

    My first Indy Car race was 1972 (I was 6 so I’m not THAT old) so I span quite a bit of time of Indy Car fandom. I’ve seen lots of changes. Some good. Some bad. But in the end, it’s still the sport we love.

    Love your passion and just wanted to let you know you weren’t alone.

  • dog

    Are you for real ? I for one don’t appreciate the fornicate statement about Track Forum and your attitude about the posters there including me.
    Get back to me when you have as much experience in IndyCar as 99 percent of our posters.
    Do yourself a favor and look up the word respect and try to apply it once in a while especially when you really know nothing of what you’re talking about.

  • MS

    Found you when someone from Trackforum posted this today. Nailed it! Pitch perfect. I hope you keep on blogging!

  • Dirk Diggler

    Absolutely correct and I love the jab at Trackforum: Worst site on the internet when it comes to “racing fans”. The moderation there is typically one sided if you are an insider you can say what you want. Too bad they allow so much negativity to consume what could be a great place to talk about racing.

    Hopefully things turn around for the IICS soon. I knew with new engines and new chassis’s it would have a little growing pains. The world will still turn, the races will be exciting as they always are, and people will still show up at Indy on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend and when Taps is played and Back Home Again is sung people will cry because they know this country and this race is what makes life so damn good for them.

  • redcar

    these guys have been saying “the sky is falling” for a couple of decades now.

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