Yes, Virginia, there really is a Delta Wing

A long time ago, at a Speedway far, far away, we said farewell to the 2009 season. We cried ourselves to sleep. We bitched about the offseason. We even went so far as to watch NASCAR. It was that rough.

But miraculously, a new day has dawned. Suddenly, but with nearly six months to prepare, the 2010 season is upon us. The open wheel gods have seen us suffer long enough – so long, in fact, that many of us can tell you what happened at this year’s Daytona 500. It’s heartbreaking. It’s unforgivable. It’s all we have.

Twenty-seven days left until Brazil. I’m not counting. Okay, I’m counting. I mean, it’s not a big deal. You think that just because I’ve given up Metallica and Jay-Z to workout to “I am Indy” on continued repeat means I’m excited? Because I drive through Speedway, Indiana just to “see what’s going on?” Because I moved to Indianapolis solely because it’s the racing capital of the world? Because I occasionally yell out drivers’ names in my sleep? Fine, I’ll give you that one.

As the countdown clock winds down and the excitement grows, I figured I’d cook up some thoughts on the offseason delicacies. If you picture me doing this whole recap in the super-fast Hot Wheels voice, I’d really appreciate it. That would be so cool.

The OFFICIAL Top Five Offseason Moments When I Thought I Was Being Punk’d:

#5 – The Pagoda is told to be Silent. Crickets chirping. Didn’t feel right about posting this nonsense until all was resolved, which appears to have happened. But if you don’t let The Silent Pagoda speak his mind, the IndyCar nation loses. And I mean bad. Like if Milka… okay, I promised myself I’d get through one post without bashing her. Moving on.

#4 – Up to Speed is cancelled indefinitely. If I haven’t said this before, Lauren Bohlander is my hero. That girl rocks. And I thought that BEFORE I saw the blooper reel. Tiny girl crush – not gonna lie. I truly looked forward to seeing her and Arni do their thang each week. Here’s hoping they’ll be back soon.

#3 – Tony George’s freefall… and the end of Vision Racing. I don’t like to think about the moment when I saw that fateful tweet about Vision Racing closing its doors. Nor do I ever want to read “FML: The Tony George Story” whenever it’s published. Can someone help me get up on this soap box? It’s really high and I’m kinda short. I’m about to throw down, so deal with it or move on. Say what you will about TG, but I admire his passion for this sport. I can’t even begin to speculate on what has happened in the inner circle of that family or the thoughts that are running through that man’s head. But nevertheless, when I see someone with a fire burning like he has, I can’t help but step back. Pit stop for a moment: About a month ago, I had the unbelievable fortune of meeting Michael Andretti. I was like a kid in a frickin’ candy store. I stumbled through the introduction and composed myself enough to get to my car and call my dad, who had no idea what “DADYOULLNEVERBELIEVETHISIJUSTMETMICHAELANDRETTI!” meant until I calmed down enough to explain what had just happened. Get to the point, you say. My point is, I don’t ever want to lose that excitement. I don’t care which driver it is… which crew chief… which chassis design… which seat at the 500… pick any aspect of this sport and my goal is to never lose the goosebumps. I think Tony George knows what I’m saying. And it scares me to death that he might have lost that lovin’ feeling. And it’s gone… gone… gone… whoa-oo-whoa-o.

#2 – The IRL announces new CEO, Randy Bernard. Special thanks to MyNameIsIRL for stealing my angle about Andy Bernard from the Office. Well played. Great minds… and all that crap. Seriously, though, I’m still uncertain as to how someone from the elite world of professional bull riding can mosey on over to the open wheel arena. Scratch that. And hold the effing phone. I’m more uncertain as to how someone who has NEVER ONCE attended an IndyCar race can fill this position. And I would pay an exorbitant amount of money to sit with that guy for his first race.  ‘Mr. Bernard, unlike yourself, we know a thing or two about this sport. This ain’t our first rodeo, cowboy.

#1 – The unveiling of the Delta Wing. Ground control to Delta Schlong… commencing countdown. Engines on. Houston, we’ve got a problem. And it appears to be a phallic-shaped chassis. Somebody call Vaseline Man Lotion. They’re going to want to see this. I can’t stop. You want my honest opinion? It looks like a Transformer’s penis. I would like to ride it. I mean, ride IN it. Wait… jeepers. This is a family show.  Is it hot in here? Seriously, the marketer in me loves the fact that it has generated some attention for the Series. It has united the fans (albeit through absolute hatred – strong enough to have generated  a facebook page in revolt). It’s new and it’s different. But in my humble opinion, it’s not an open-wheel car. In fact, I hardly consider it a car. HOWEVER, I like what I’ve seen from Swift, Dallara and Lola. Still forming opinions. More to come.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m fairly certain Ashton Kutcher is around here somewhere…

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15 responses to “Yes, Virginia, there really is a Delta Wing

  • Roy Hobbson

    “It looks like a Transformer’s penis. I would like to ride it. I mean, ride IN it.”

    What kind of hotel IS this?!?!?!

  • ttturner68

    Good 5

    DeltaWing is Hideous. No where along the way did it occur to Chip and Ben that they thing is simply not a Car and Not Visually appealing in anyway.

  • Frick

    I’m willing to give Benard a chance. Good managers can manage any business, they aren’t controlling the details, they are showing the direction and leaving the details to subordinates who have expertise in that area. I could care less about Pro Bull Riding, but I’ve at least heard about it and seen marketing for it, which is more than I can say for the IRL recently. if we could go back 20 years, would you take a bet that Indycar and the Pro Bull Riding tour would be approximately the same on the exposure meter?

    I’m probably in the majority, but I would love to see a HUGE change of direction. Go back to the rules of the 50s and 60s where it was bring the fastest car possible, with the caveat that you get say 50 gallons of fuel (or go really radical and 10 gallons).

    Are the speeds going to decrease drastically, yes they are. But eco backlash against racing is starting, and I don’t see it going away. Why not get in front of the wave? NASCAR just went away from leaded fuel, due to long-time pit members getting sick from complications related to lead poisoning.

    Indy was greatest IMO when it was a testbed of new ideas for cars. Teams and manufacturers developed new technologies that later made it to production cars. That’s get back to that model, not spec racing, with tiny areas for teams to work on. Some of the most memorable 500s were races were a couple of racers were 2+ laps up on the field. Is racing better when 15 cars on the lead lap, but they are to close in performance and can’t pass each other?

  • The Speedgeek

    Well, I’m off to take a cold shower now. See everybody in three hours.

  • Tony Walla

    I almost fell out of my chair when I read the section on the Delta Wing. Monica, you rock! Can’t wait to read your thoughts throughout the season.

  • Charles West

    Was it unveiled or unsheathed?

  • Peter Wurdinger

    What UP to Speed cancelled!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
    I love listening to Lauren!!!! Her drive interviews are the best, especially with TK. Aaaaahhh man!!! this blows!!!!!!

  • My Name Is IRL

    Uh, for the record, since you said “great minds…and all that crap”, I just want everyone to know that I most assuredly do NOT want to ride that, umm, that…yes, that Transformer’s penis. I definitely do not want to ride that Transofrmer’s penis at all.

    No sir. I mean, no ma’am. Not gonna do it.

  • pressdog

    I was reading this and when my wife walked by I minimized it and said I was just reading the New York Times. Is that a bad sign?

  • Mike Wendler

    great post, thanks for pointing me in the direction of the Facebook page against this piece of junk. I can’t wait for the season to start either. I’ve watched more NASCAR this year than the previous 10 years! Yuck. Great blog i will stop back often.

  • Someguy

    My opinion of the Delta Wing, which obviously is fairly meaningless seeing as I am just some guy, but just thought maybe it might ease some tension. The goal of the Delta Wing was to create an innovative car that lowered the cost for some of the teams, while also being more efficient. Now I am not an aeronautical engineer nor do I know the true cost but based on what Bowlby says and he is a pretty damn smart guy it accomplishes both of those things. Now I completely agree that thing looks falic and hardly passes for a car the only thing about it that passes for a car in my opinion is that it has four wheels which is a step up from what I heard the original plans had. Also as I understand it, the idea was to come up with a model for the teams or other manufacturers to build off of. And if that is the case, that kind of accomplishes what Frick had to say as to bring the fastest car out there, using the Delta Wing as your ball of clay to start. Obviously not exactly bring the fastest possible thing but you have to take safety into consideration of the fans drivers and crews. I could only imagine with technology available how fast cars would be hitting the wall entering turn 1 at Indy. But back to my thoughts on the Delta Wing, and obviously I have no degree in Engineering, but I have an idea of what I would find aesthetically pleasing, and I am sure some fans agree the Delta Wing isn’t such. But if I were to have knowledge of how to use a design program I would tweak that Delta Wing a little bit, and this is how; First off, I would widen the front track for a few reasons, one to make it look less like a Transformers penis, to make it look more like a car, and it in theory should help it steer also. Then in front of the front tires, add small wings out either side to resemble an Indy car, and add just a touch of aero grip in the front which would be adjustable as the current cars have. Then get rid of the shark fin in the back or at least shorten it to mimic the old school indy cars, then add an ALMS style wing in the rear which again will be functional and fashionable. These two minor changes and in my opinion you again have an Indy car. As far as the motor goes, I don’t care what the heck it has in there as long as it gets up to speed fast and keeps it there. As far as lowering the cost for the teams out there, if they say the Delta Wing will cut the cost of the car in half, then adding a few tweaks shouldn’t add much cost, sure bumping the front and knocking off the front wing or endfences will add a little bit down the road, but if the cost of the car is half, the crashes will still cost less because the parts are cheaper, and it isn’t like people aren’t crashing now…. Just sayin! Again these are my two cents, take em or leave em.

  • nickh360

    I’ve been referring to BMW’s new slogan “What you make people feel is just as important as what you make.” as a sign of Delta Wing’s flaws.

    But “It looks like a Transformer’s penis. I would like to ride it. I mean, ride IN it.” brings a whole new definition to BMW’s slogan!

  • speedyrb

    United in hatred? No – there are those of us out there that actually love the Delta Wing as it is! We are not in the majority, but we exist (look at the polls).

    Thanks for a funny entry!

  • JGmajor7

    I can totally relate to driving through Speedway, IN just to see what’s going on.

  • UT Auto Glass Replacement

    Carl Edwards acted like such a tool when he wreck his competitor, apparently he might have though he was in days of thunder and he was cole trickle. IMHO he is a trouble maker and it would not suprise me if he ends up killing someone on the track. I just hope I am wrong. Well we shall see what happens next week when we do it all over again.

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