YEEEEEEEEEEEEHAW! I reckon we rustle up some horsepower and head on down to AaaaalaBAMa. BAMa. BAM. I just like saying it.
It’s truly unfortunate that no one in Birmingham will be able to see this week’s picks – they still don’t have the internet there, right? What… really? Well then! A giant race gIRL welcome to all five of the IndyCar fans in Alabama. Yippe-ki-yi-yeh mother… sorry. Welcome. I’m doin’ a little boot-scootin’ boogie in your honor. Tell your neighbors to turn off the Nascar race and come sit at the cool kids’ table.
Fine. I know there were a lot of people who came out to watch the testing at Barber. But are they really IndyCar fans, or just regular people who don’t normally see cars that don’t have rust on them? It’s been nice knowing all of you. I’m going to get my ass kicked as soon as I cross the Alabama border. Maybe I’ll walk in with Randy Bernard – that would give me some street cred, huh? Or hide under his ten-gallon hat. Won’t offer much protection but have you ever seen a redneck riot? Me neither, but I can imagine it’s not pretty.
There are three things I know about Barber Motorsports park: 1) It has a giant spider, which creeps me out beyond belief; 2) It has a great museum, which I intend to stroll through; and 3) The IZOD IndyCar Series has never run there before, which means little suprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous (yes, that in fact was a Willy Wonka quote, for those of you keeping score at home). Although I’m guessing we won’t need a gravel-grinder this time. But you never know.
Can we talk about Will Power for a second? UNBELIEVABLE. Moving on.
So rumor has it that Dryer & Reinbold is trying to decide between Scheckter and Ana Beatriz for their third car at Indy this year. I can see why that’s such a tough choice. Sometimes it’s hard to decide whether you want to win or not. Holy balls. Absolutlely no disrespect to Bia – I think she’s got potential – but that’s like choosing between James Cameron and your mom to direct your next film. I mean, let’s go with the professional here, people. But word to your mother. I’m sure she makes a great casserole.
You came for my picks. Let’s get on with it already. Every week I write out my list and then narrow it down. Here’s what I have right now: Power, Castroneves, Briscoe, Dixon. Why? Because they finished 1, 2, 3, 4 in testing. Someone give the freakin’ Penske/Ganassi boys a challenge, for the LOVE OF GOD.
First pick… I want to pick Will Power, but I won’t. Feels like cheating. I’ll take Dixon. It’s more about the fact that I think he’s due for a podium finish than his third-place finish in testing. And I’m making this pick with very little confidence, which I hate.
Second pick is between Castroneves and Briscoe. So I’m going with Justin Wilson. Again. What is it about that guy? It’s like I have a “good feeling” about him every time we’re not on an oval. You could call it woman’s intuition. (You’d be wrong… but you could call it that). It’s really just a serious amount of raw, road-course talent that piques my interest. Or whatever.
I’m going with a dark horse for my third pick… Takuma Sato. I’ve heard a variety of comments referring to the fact that Barber feels like a non-American course. Since Sato came from F1, I think he might shine on this track. His sixth-place finish during testing also shows his potential to rock it out in good ‘ol Bama.
That’s it. Grab your can-koozies, rig something with duct tape, put on your best “People of Walmart” getup and let’s blow this popsicle stand. See you in Barber…
Editor’s note: In my weekly picks for Sao Paulo, I mistakenly called the Kansas Jayhawks “sons-of-bracket-busting-bitches.” I apologize, because my bracket was not busted. I actually won the pool I was in… for the second year in a row. Thassss right. Booyah.