Iowa Corn Indy 250

So Dan Wheldon says, “there’s not much to do in Iowa.” Pfft. Shows what he knows. There’s…

I mean, you can…

Well, the locals like to…

Apparently there’s not much to do in Iowa. So let’s go racing, shall we? Honestly, this is one of my favorite tracks. I like Iowa Speedway like I like my men – short, fast and… wait. What? Clearly I’ve been sniffing a little too much of the ethanol. That’s corn ethanol this week, boys and girls. Normally, I compete with sugar cane ethanol. Sweet Lord, make it stop. I can’t get that damn commercial out of my head. Is it fair to say that ‘sugar cane ethanol’ is the new ‘everything’s gonbee alright?’ Yea, you diehards know what I’m talking about. High five. If you didn’t get it, let me introduce you to a little thing I like to call the IZOD IndyCar Series. We talk about it quite a bit here. It’s nifty.

Best description I’ve ever heard about this track came from the Alex Lloyd interview on Indycar.com this week: Iowa is “like flying a jet fighter through a gymnasium.” Holy balls. I mean really. Last year, I brought my best friend to this track. It was her first (and last) IndyCar race. It may have been that the first 50 laps were a parade. Or that she kept getting poked in the eye with the red, white and blue Mohawk on the random dude sitting next to her. Or the three-hour wait to get out of the parking lot. Lot? Field. Huge field of nothingness. Personally, I don’t understand what’s wrong with any of those things. Okay… I could have done without the 50-lap parade, but the rest is just racin’. If the track is as fast as it is, you gotta expect it. Imagine the levels of concentration and strength that go into this track. Oof. Can’t wait.

Time for the picks. By the way, did anyone notice that I picked two of the top three finishers at Texas? You did? Liar. But thanks for humoring me.

First, I’m going with Castroneves. Coming off a disappointing finish – or lack thereof – at Texas (anyone shocked that Mario “The Pinball” Moraes is back to his old tricks?) I think he’s due for the podium. Solid on the ovals, pole-sitter last year, get ready for some fence climbing…

I think I’ll take Wheldon as my second pick. For the most part, I like what I’ve seen from him this season. Coming off two top-ten finishes and starting/finishing fourth at Iowa last year, I’m watching for a podium finish this year.

Oooooh… internal struggle. I want to pick TK, but he’s never finished a race here. And I’m getting a TREMENDOUS amount of pressure from certain family members (ahem, my newly-converted-IndyCar-fan brother) to pick Alex Lloyd. Family is important. But the race gIRL cannot be bribed. Except with chocolate. NO. I cannot be bribed. However, I’m beyond impressed with one car on the Dale Coyne team this year (HINT: you shouldn’t need a hint), and I’m fairly certain it will be in future picks if this streak continues.

I’m going with RHR for my third pick. Partly because I’m just thankful he’s in the car. Partly because he’s the only non-Penske/Ganassi driver to win a race this year. Mostly because I hope I’m right. Would love to see another victory for the pretty IZOD face. No, I don’t mean the girl. Speaking of, does anyone ever wonder WTF she’s always laughing about? She’s constantly in the background of the post-race interviews giggling… with herself. Does IZOD give her a check and say, “Go on out there and pretend that Scott Dixon said something entertaining?” We all know he didn’t. Just be normal, IZOD girl. Grab an ear of corn. You’re gorgeous. Own it.

One more thing… if you’ll be in Iowa this weekend, let me know. I definitely won’t be standing next to the IZOD girl (I prefer not to put myself in situations where I’m known as “the funny one”) but chances are, there won’t be much to do. I’m aiming to change that.