There are two things certain in life: Death and Silly Season

Loretta Young once said, “A charming woman is a busy woman.” Therefore it only makes sense that the race gIRL, being charmingly inappropriate, should be inappropriately busy. And so I have been.

In the midst of all this chaos, I had no choice but to turn to the one man who truly knows how to handle the madness… the Flying Cocksman.

“Mr. Cocksman,” I said.
“Please,” he responded, “Call me Al.”
“Yes. Then I can call you Betty.”
“Deal. Can we talk? I don’t know how to handle the pressure.”
“I’ll show you pressure.”
“Focus. I need help.”
“You’ve come to the right place,” he told me. “Step into my office.”

So I carried him into Dario’s living room. What followed was a conversation that I dare never repeat. It contained more ‘That’s what she said’ moments than should be legal in Nevada. No matter. I learned the one important lesson: It’s Silly Season 2010. Embrace the madness.

God, I missed you guys. Has there ever been a silly season that started with such a bang? And I do love a good bang. (I shake my fist at you, Flying Cocksman). Did you ever think that THIS would be the launch into 2011? That TK and Wheldon would be considering the Nationwide Truck Series? That 7-11 would make the worst decision since Milka said ‘I want to seet in dee race caa?’ That Rahal would be finalizing a deal with Ganassi while FAZZT was eying a second car? That Danica would tweet only about herself? Oh wait. We knew that one.

Nevertheless, the craziness is upon us and it’s only gonna get better. You’ve got 135 days to celebrate the chaos. I recommend that you grab a beer – preferably Leinenkugel’s, to celebrate the return of the Milwaukee Mile with my Wisconsin brethren and well, it’s just damn good beer. So raise that bottle, rip off your clothes and yell, “It’s Silly Season, BABY!” Cuz when that green flag drops, I expect you to be READY.

Note: If you actually went ahead and did what I recommended, please tweet about it so the whole world knows that you’re a die-hard. Plus, I’ll think you’re pretty swell. Happy Silly Season!

2 responses to “There are two things certain in life: Death and Silly Season

  • DZ

    I raised my bottle and, while ripping off my clothes, spilled my beer and stained a perfectly good IZOD shirt. My embarrassment was plain to see. Was I doing something wrong?

  • The Speedgeek

    Effing-a right, you just went to the Leine’s well. Chippewa’s finest, and the perfect companion (or companions plural, if you count Red, Creamy Dark and Fireside Nut Brown Ale as three separate companions as I like to do) for a long, cold offseason. Here’s to you, you crazy cheesehead.

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